The approaching holidays are a mixed bag of emotions. They are an intersection of excitement (time with my kids! and extended family!) and sorrow ( I have to do the holidays without John again?). It is simply bittersweet. Some of you know exactly what I mean. Because time may heal, but it doesn't forget. … Continue reading When You Need Some Holiday Comfort
Strength One Step At A Time
In March 0f 2012, my life as a widow was just beginning. With four children to continue raising, I was stunned with the realities of parenting alone, keeping a household running, making business decisions, and comforting our children in their loss. Life needed more from me than I had to give. Everywhere I looked there … Continue reading Strength One Step At A Time
Brokenness Doesn’t Define You
I wake up every day surrounded by broken pieces of a life I used to know. It isn't a novelty. After four years, I am familiar with this unexpected life that greets me each day. I am not alone. If you're an adult, you know brokenness- maybe in yourself or in someone you love. I … Continue reading Brokenness Doesn’t Define You
When Joy Seems Impossible: A Wedding Surprise
The summer of 2016 is now in the Carroll family record book: 2 graduations, 1 wedding, 3 wedding showers, 1 girl's month long journey to Bolivia, 4 birthdays, 2 vacations, 3 girls packed and moved to 3 different places and the grand finale: my son's baptism! All of this was just within our little family … Continue reading When Joy Seems Impossible: A Wedding Surprise
A Fire Hydrant of Joy
I am on a wild ride right now! Within two months we are celebrating my oldest daughter's college graduation and wedding, my third daughter's high school graduation, two graduation parties, two of my girls' birthdays, a few wedding showers, and a final family-of-five trip. Then, we are sending my second daughter to Bolivia for a month, … Continue reading A Fire Hydrant of Joy
Easter is My Every Day
Death isn't theoretical for me. It isn't the thing that "might happen one day..." A possible reality off in the mists of the future. It is in my bed. On my pillow. Everyday. The man I lived with every day for nearly 23 years- skin to skin and heart to heart and dream to dream … Continue reading Easter is My Every Day
Grief Grows Up
My grief is growing up. This week, on Tuesday, March 8, it turns four years old. I happen to be familiar with four year olds. A few years ago I persuaded my teenage daughter and son to help me lead the four year old class at our church. We are with them two Sundays each month. We … Continue reading Grief Grows Up
Christmas Doesn’t Have to be Perfect to be Peaceful
The house is quiet this morning. My four children nestled snug in their beds. Rain is hitting the window of my office as I type. All is cozy. Even though John isn't here with us, there is peace in my heart. I still marvel to find peace in my heart and mind; it is real and … Continue reading Christmas Doesn’t Have to be Perfect to be Peaceful
Umm, How Are You Doing?
It is a question I hear often, and every single time my brain gridlocks. The question is asked earnestly. People care. They genuinely want to know how we are doing- each of the kids, our new house, the upcoming holidays, and the status of my grief's healing process. I want to honor their question with … Continue reading Umm, How Are You Doing?
Travel Therapy
In the early months after John's death, I would have a Forrest Gump urge to start walking across the country, never stopping until my toes were in the chilly waters of the Pacific. Or, I'd daydream about driving, driving, driving across the country on an endless road trip in an endless summer. Chasing that glorious … Continue reading Travel Therapy
where love takes you 