Earlier this week, big problems and small annoyances were mounting up and irritating me, but the bigger issue was deeper. Underlying my frustration was the reality of being a widow. You see, the hardship of this journey is still the same as it was five years ago when it was fresh. Yes, I am more … Continue reading You Don’t Have To Fake It
widow
He Loves Us Back to Life
Last month, March 8 came around again and marked five years since John went to heaven. Five years is a long time to miss someone you love. Years ago, in our early days of dating and marriage, I feared losing John. I couldn't imagine life without him. The thought of experiencing a loss that great … Continue reading He Loves Us Back to Life
Daring to Dream Again
Well, we are at the end of the first month of this new year and resolutions aren't quite as shiny. I don't typically make many new year resolutions. Since John died, my resolutions have been simple: "I am resolved, with God's sustaining grace, to keep putting one foot in front of the other for 365 … Continue reading Daring to Dream Again
Presence is the Best Present
No one prepared me for the anticipation of my adult children coming home. Giddy is the best word to describe how I felt during December. Giddy that my oldest, newlywed daughter and her husband were headed our way for six whole days! Cell phones and facetime are wonderful, but they can't compare to real live … Continue reading Presence is the Best Present
Strength One Step At A Time
In March 0f 2012, my life as a widow was just beginning. With four children to continue raising, I was stunned with the realities of parenting alone, keeping a household running, making business decisions, and comforting our children in their loss. Life needed more from me than I had to give. Everywhere I looked there … Continue reading Strength One Step At A Time
Brokenness Doesn’t Define You
I wake up every day surrounded by broken pieces of a life I used to know. It isn't a novelty. After four years, I am familiar with this unexpected life that greets me each day. I am not alone. If you're an adult, you know brokenness- maybe in yourself or in someone you love. I … Continue reading Brokenness Doesn’t Define You
When Joy Seems Impossible: A Wedding Surprise
The summer of 2016 is now in the Carroll family record book: 2 graduations, 1 wedding, 3 wedding showers, 1 girl's month long journey to Bolivia, 4 birthdays, 2 vacations, 3 girls packed and moved to 3 different places and the grand finale: my son's baptism! All of this was just within our little family … Continue reading When Joy Seems Impossible: A Wedding Surprise
Easter is My Every Day
Death isn't theoretical for me. It isn't the thing that "might happen one day..." A possible reality off in the mists of the future. It is in my bed. On my pillow. Everyday. The man I lived with every day for nearly 23 years- skin to skin and heart to heart and dream to dream … Continue reading Easter is My Every Day
Grief Grows Up
My grief is growing up. This week, on Tuesday, March 8, it turns four years old. I happen to be familiar with four year olds. A few years ago I persuaded my teenage daughter and son to help me lead the four year old class at our church. We are with them two Sundays each month. We … Continue reading Grief Grows Up
Christmas Doesn’t Have to be Perfect to be Peaceful
The house is quiet this morning. My four children nestled snug in their beds. Rain is hitting the window of my office as I type. All is cozy. Even though John isn't here with us, there is peace in my heart. I still marvel to find peace in my heart and mind; it is real and … Continue reading Christmas Doesn’t Have to be Perfect to be Peaceful
where love takes you 