I used to think that if I could sit on a beach, staring at the water for a long time (maybe a few months?), my grief would subside and eventually just float away. I'd stand up ready to move on with my life. But, life hasn't offered months at a time to dig my feet … Continue reading When Time Just Won’t Heal the Hurt
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9 Years of Learning to Live Again
Today marks nine years of missing John. Nine years of learning how to live with grief. Nine years of learning how to navigate life as a single mom. Nine years of leaning into God for strength and endurance and hope and help and comfort. And He has been with me through every hour and every … Continue reading 9 Years of Learning to Live Again
Dance, Don’t Wrestle
I can feel it when it happens. Can you? A tense conversation begins to escalate and my strong emotions, my perspective, my concerns, my fears, all begin to fuel my desperation to be heard. To be understood. To appeal to reason. To prevail. And I wrestle. If it is someone I care for deeply, I … Continue reading Dance, Don’t Wrestle
If Your Christmas is Messy Like Mine
Messy and Christmas don't seem to go together. Adults don't have visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads. Oh no! Our visions are much, much loftier (and harder to attain): sparkling well-decorated homes; the yummiest of menus and treats; the perfect stack of brighly wrapped presents; peaceful, happy family moments. We want it all: … Continue reading If Your Christmas is Messy Like Mine
When You Need Some Holiday Comfort
The approaching holidays are a mixed bag of emotions. They are an intersection of excitement (time with my kids! and extended family!) and sorrow ( I have to do the holidays without John again?). It is simply bittersweet. Some of you know exactly what I mean. Because time may heal, but it doesn't forget. … Continue reading When You Need Some Holiday Comfort
A Fire Hydrant of Joy
I am on a wild ride right now! Within two months we are celebrating my oldest daughter's college graduation and wedding, my third daughter's high school graduation, two graduation parties, two of my girls' birthdays, a few wedding showers, and a final family-of-five trip. Then, we are sending my second daughter to Bolivia for a month, … Continue reading A Fire Hydrant of Joy
Christmas Doesn’t Have to be Perfect to be Peaceful
The house is quiet this morning. My four children nestled snug in their beds. Rain is hitting the window of my office as I type. All is cozy. Even though John isn't here with us, there is peace in my heart. I still marvel to find peace in my heart and mind; it is real and … Continue reading Christmas Doesn’t Have to be Perfect to be Peaceful
Travel Therapy
In the early months after John's death, I would have a Forrest Gump urge to start walking across the country, never stopping until my toes were in the chilly waters of the Pacific. Or, I'd daydream about driving, driving, driving across the country on an endless road trip in an endless summer. Chasing that glorious … Continue reading Travel Therapy
Goodbye & Hello
It has been three weeks since I walked out of our house for the final time. John and I never intended to move. We thought we'd grow old together there. I knew which room would be a nursery for our grandchildren. I could see the house full of our kids-turned-adults and their families. They'd come … Continue reading Goodbye & Hello
Moving Joy
Big news to share! Our house sold! It was put under contract several weeks ago. One of the best features of our contract: our closing is in August after we've moved into our new home. Did you hear that huge sigh of relief?! The thought of a double move was daunting. Now that I am … Continue reading Moving Joy
