Earlier this week, big problems and small annoyances were mounting up and irritating me, but the bigger issue was deeper. Underlying my frustration was the reality of being a widow. You see, the hardship of this journey is still the same as it was five years ago when it was fresh. Yes, I am more … Continue reading You Don’t Have To Fake It
hope
He Loves Us Back to Life
Last month, March 8 came around again and marked five years since John went to heaven. Five years is a long time to miss someone you love. Years ago, in our early days of dating and marriage, I feared losing John. I couldn't imagine life without him. The thought of experiencing a loss that great … Continue reading He Loves Us Back to Life
Stay in Today
You woke up today in what was your tomorrow. It is profoundly true; the future unfolds one day at a time. Methodically, rhythmically, always on time. We are getting to the future slowly but surely. There are times when it just can't get here fast enough because you are anticipating what is ahead. Like when there … Continue reading Stay in Today
Daring to Dream Again
Well, we are at the end of the first month of this new year and resolutions aren't quite as shiny. I don't typically make many new year resolutions. Since John died, my resolutions have been simple: "I am resolved, with God's sustaining grace, to keep putting one foot in front of the other for 365 … Continue reading Daring to Dream Again
Brokenness Doesn’t Define You
I wake up every day surrounded by broken pieces of a life I used to know. It isn't a novelty. After four years, I am familiar with this unexpected life that greets me each day. I am not alone. If you're an adult, you know brokenness- maybe in yourself or in someone you love. I … Continue reading Brokenness Doesn’t Define You
When Joy Seems Impossible: A Wedding Surprise
The summer of 2016 is now in the Carroll family record book: 2 graduations, 1 wedding, 3 wedding showers, 1 girl's month long journey to Bolivia, 4 birthdays, 2 vacations, 3 girls packed and moved to 3 different places and the grand finale: my son's baptism! All of this was just within our little family … Continue reading When Joy Seems Impossible: A Wedding Surprise
Easter is My Every Day
Death isn't theoretical for me. It isn't the thing that "might happen one day..." A possible reality off in the mists of the future. It is in my bed. On my pillow. Everyday. The man I lived with every day for nearly 23 years- skin to skin and heart to heart and dream to dream … Continue reading Easter is My Every Day
Umm, How Are You Doing?
It is a question I hear often, and every single time my brain gridlocks. The question is asked earnestly. People care. They genuinely want to know how we are doing- each of the kids, our new house, the upcoming holidays, and the status of my grief's healing process. I want to honor their question with … Continue reading Umm, How Are You Doing?
Three Years: Our Kids’ Perspectives
Arriving at the three year mark has felt different than the previous two years. It has reminded me of the days when our children were babies, and we had to transition from saying they were "weeks old" to "months old" to "years old." Some of you will know what I am talking about. Someone would … Continue reading Three Years: Our Kids’ Perspectives
When Anxiety Tugs
One day last week, we held hands and they prayed for me. My youngest and my oldest and me. A triangle of three. Her hands were delicate, his were strong. They have needed me for years. Last week it was my turn. I simply needed them to pray for me. Because parts of last week … Continue reading When Anxiety Tugs
where love takes you 