This is our third Christmas without John. A few weeks ago I was in Walmart and saw all of the Christmas displays and was blindsided by grief. Thankfully, it was early in the morning and the store was vacant. The soap and deodorant aisle bore witness to my tears as I stood there venting to … Continue reading Finding Christmas Joy When You’re Afraid It May Be Lost
grief
Only He Can Do This
Have you ever had a breakfast that almost turned into lunch? It happened to me this week when I met another widow for breakfast. We left the restaurant close to noon. : ) She is decades ahead of me on this journey. Oh how I hope to have the vitality and energy and sparkle she … Continue reading Only He Can Do This
A Loss so Big in a Heart so Young
... She Misses Her Momma I just realized. When Dad died, I lost not only a father but also a mother. Mom is an incredible woman and I respect and admire her more and more every day. But she is not the same woman I used to know. She has to pay the bills, fix … Continue reading A Loss so Big in a Heart so Young
Speaking Honestly about Grief
Grief is a riddle. What is invisible to everyone else, but you can't escape? Grief. It is awkward to be a mourner disguised in normalcy. I think that maybe our culture shouldn't have discarded the tradition of wearing black during the first few months of mourning. I wouldn't have minded it because it would have made … Continue reading Speaking Honestly about Grief
Grace & Grief Meet
Over the next few days, we pieced together what had happened to John. It was a beautiful spring afternoon, and he stopped by the university on his way home to go for a run. Security camera videos show him walking out of the gym into brilliant afternoon sunlight. Several people saw him on the jogging … Continue reading Grace & Grief Meet
The Day Life Changed
John had disappeared. For several hours we had been trying to retrace his steps. I knew something was very wrong because he left his downtown office late in the afternoon but never came home for dinner. It had been one of those teamwork nights for us: me at a meeting, him planning to come home from … Continue reading The Day Life Changed
Our Story: A Preface
You are brave. Really. Because I know our story is uncomfortable. It is everyone’s nightmare and awakens all kinds of fears that lurk in your mind. I understand because I used to be afraid of people like me and their stories. So, I don’t take your willingness to venture close for granted. From the outside … Continue reading Our Story: A Preface
A Journey of 2 1/2 Years
Today it has been two and a half years since I ate breakfast with John and our kids, kissed him at the door, and watched him walk to his car: shoulders full of briefcase, lunch, dry cleaning, and gym bag. Such an ordinary day. Little did we know we were saying goodbye. In the early … Continue reading A Journey of 2 1/2 Years
where love takes you 