I wake up every day surrounded by broken pieces of a life I used to know. It isn't a novelty. After four years, I am familiar with this unexpected life that greets me each day. I am not alone. If you're an adult, you know brokenness- maybe in yourself or in someone you love. I … Continue reading Brokenness Doesn’t Define You
God
When Joy Seems Impossible: A Wedding Surprise
The summer of 2016 is now in the Carroll family record book: 2 graduations, 1 wedding, 3 wedding showers, 1 girl's month long journey to Bolivia, 4 birthdays, 2 vacations, 3 girls packed and moved to 3 different places and the grand finale: my son's baptism! All of this was just within our little family … Continue reading When Joy Seems Impossible: A Wedding Surprise
Easter is My Every Day
Death isn't theoretical for me. It isn't the thing that "might happen one day..." A possible reality off in the mists of the future. It is in my bed. On my pillow. Everyday. The man I lived with every day for nearly 23 years- skin to skin and heart to heart and dream to dream … Continue reading Easter is My Every Day
Christmas Doesn’t Have to be Perfect to be Peaceful
The house is quiet this morning. My four children nestled snug in their beds. Rain is hitting the window of my office as I type. All is cozy. Even though John isn't here with us, there is peace in my heart. I still marvel to find peace in my heart and mind; it is real and … Continue reading Christmas Doesn’t Have to be Perfect to be Peaceful
Three Years: Our Kids’ Perspectives
Arriving at the three year mark has felt different than the previous two years. It has reminded me of the days when our children were babies, and we had to transition from saying they were "weeks old" to "months old" to "years old." Some of you will know what I am talking about. Someone would … Continue reading Three Years: Our Kids’ Perspectives
When Anxiety Tugs
One day last week, we held hands and they prayed for me. My youngest and my oldest and me. A triangle of three. Her hands were delicate, his were strong. They have needed me for years. Last week it was my turn. I simply needed them to pray for me. Because parts of last week … Continue reading When Anxiety Tugs
A New Love List
It's Valentines week and our minds gravitate to the one we love. I think about the reasons I fell in love with John and continued to fall more in love with him over time. Love lists grows longer as you do life together: the beautiful (new babies), the stressful (moving & job changes), and the ordinary … Continue reading A New Love List
Love Even Goes Here
As I told you in my last post, it took me two years to decide what to put on John's marker. It wasn't a task to rush through for the sake of "getting it done." I wanted to be completely sure about its appearance and wording. Grave markers aren't something you return. Knowing that I … Continue reading Love Even Goes Here
We Go Nowhere By Accident
Of all the things in life to procrastinate, designing your grave marker is at the top of the list. And so I did. For almost two years. There was a simple marker at John's grave with his name, but it was temporary. I was supposed to design a permanent one for us in the first … Continue reading We Go Nowhere By Accident
Welcome in. Again.
Ok. I know. I disobeyed the cardinal rule of blogging: post consistently. I am sorry. You all are so wonderful and supportive that I know you will be quick to say, "it's okay! There's no pressure!" Thank you for that. But, there has actually been a reason. When you're traveling and get close to your … Continue reading Welcome in. Again.
where love takes you 