Ok. I know.  I disobeyed the cardinal rule of blogging: post consistently.

I am sorry.  You all are so wonderful and supportive that I know you will be quick to say, “it’s okay! There’s no pressure!”  Thank you for that.

But, there has actually been a reason.

When you’re traveling and get close to your destination, do you turn up the GPS and get hyperfocused? I frequently do. At that stage in our travels, John would announce in his very loud, no-nonsense dad voice: “Everybody be quiet! We have to focus on figuring out where to go. No talking! No breathing!”

That has been my life recently.  I have been in the midst of a steep learning curve in this journey. It has been a time to really listen to what I sense the Lord is revealing in my heart and showing me about my new life. From what I hear, it is a very normal place to be a few years after the loss of a spouse.

So, I have needed to really focus as I turn this corner in my journey. I wanted to give the Lord as much of my listening as I could. No moving fingers on keyboards.

As my heart and mind are settling into this new place, I feel a little weary but peaceful! It has been an intense time of new realizations.  In the weeks to come I will share bits and pieces of my recent discoveries, but here is the big picture.  It came to me today when I was thinking about the sermon we heard in church this morning.

We are in a series about the Lord’s Prayer, and today Pastor David directed us to prayerfully consider, “thy kingdom come.” As he talked about the challenge of truly asking God to bring His kingdom into our hearts and lives, I realized that I have a whole new kingdom to surrender to God.

This is how I explained it to my son on the way home from church.

When we are young and we hear about giving our lives to God, we don’t even fully know ourselves or our lives.  We’re like someone standing in the foyer of their new home that they bought sight unseen.  They have no idea what is really in the house.  A basement? A third floor TV room? How many bedrooms? How many bathrooms?

It is pretty straightforward to surrender to God when you don’t even really know what you are surrendering.

But, then you start to check out the house and you find there are parts you aren’t so sure you want him to have access to. If you have ever read My Heart Christ’s Home, then you will understand the analogy. You ask God questions like, “You mean you want control of the remote? the master bathroom with the soak tub? my ipad? the closet where I have stuffed some things I’d rather keep private?”

And, He keeps firmly, kindly saying, “Yes. I want to be Lord of it all. It’s best this way. You can trust me.”

Well, I gave as much of my life as I knew when I was 11, and the next 32 years was spent finding new places in my life to surrender to Him. College. Marriage. Children. They were full of areas for me to relinquish.

But, now I am in an entirely different “house.”  I feel like I am in the foyer all over again. I have no idea what is in this new house. Maybe it is an apartment? Maybe it is a sprawling ranch? Who knows?  I certainly don’t. I am standing in a place I never knew I’d be with a future that is undefined.

As I sat in church today I realized that, though I have been a Christian for many years, I am at a new place of surrender to Christ.  I don’t know what the future holds but I again need to say, “Lord, I am surrendering this new life to you.”

Maybe some of you have had this happen to you. Maybe life shifted in a way that made the future completely change. The things or people that were part of your future are no longer there.  My heart goes out to you. Wherever and whoever you are.

All I know is that surrendering your new life is the only way to truly find it. Jesus says, “If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.” Matthew 10:39

I trusted Him in my previous “home” and I know He is the only One I want to trust again as I look ahead into a very unclear future.

For those of you who are younger…I assure you that as your life continues to open up and you explore the other rooms and floors, He is the One to follow. He loves you now and will love you in ways in the future that you can’t imagine. You don’t want to miss it!

The reality for all of us is that every day we can pray the Lord’s prayer and have new parts of our lives to surrender.  We will have new reasons every day to say, “your kingdom come into this new place in my life.” May we all be brave enough to pray it and mean it. It’s where heaven meets earth.

May His will be done in my life and yours,

Maria

PS  You can listen to the sermon here: Pray. Live. Repeat– go to “Kingdom Seekers” It should be posted Monday, January 19. Last week was great too! : )